I Officially Have A Stalker

There is a random guy who pops up occasionally at my office. I met him after a show I did at Upright Citizen’s Brigade. He really liked the show and followed me and my friends to a bar. He was an interesting character for about 15 minutes, then he got to be adorably annoying, which quickly made it’s way to just plain annoying. Well, he recently became an art model on campus where I work and he is still one of my biggest fans.

Today, he called my office (I’m not sure how he got the phone number, probably online) and asked if I would meet him for lunch. I made an excuse and he countered with letting me know that he has “fresh marijuana for purchase”. Oh, well thank you for calling my work and offering to conduct a drug deal with me. I’ve never bought pot from this guy. I’ve never talked about buying pot from this guy. I’ve never even worn anything green around this guy. Why on earth, would you do that? Today is the second time this has happened.

I came back from lunch to find him crouched behind a trash can in the lobby. He had waited until I returned from my lunch break to say hello. Again, he wanted make sure I didn’t need “any special things”. Thank goodness he was talking in code, because no one would be able to decipher what he was saying, especially with his shifty eyes and t-shirt that read “Go Green or Go Home”. He eagerly asked when my next “comedy thing” was and if he could get on my mailing list. After I successfully dodged a verbose conversation about nothing, he handed me a flyer to a Ralph Nader fundraising event and left.

Of course.