Archive for the ‘Comedy Stuff’ Category

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My Best Worst Audition Ever

April 5, 2009

stage

Improv is an art form. It relies on the world view of the performer. It is said many times that you must react honestly and respond in the moment to what is happening in your scene. This is why “good improv” is subject to the viewer’s opinion. People sometimes joke that improv is a form of therapy. I always think improvisers need therapy (including myself). I recently had an improv audition that was a true life lesson.

I arrived 30 minutes before my audition, as directed, so that I could meet and warm up with the other actors in my group. Since improv can be (and should, in my opinion) a personal stage experience between two actors, I like to have some degree of familiarity with someone before I perform. There were only 4 of us out of the expected 8 that were on time. The other actors showed up right at the time of the audition and we all filed into the room without even having introduced ourselves. Oh well, let’s roll with it and improvise!

My first scene was goodish. The actress initiated, I supported it, we found a decent game to play and we had fun and vivid characters. Score! The next scene I did was going to be amazing, since I was instructed to initiate the first line of the scene. I always feel a little more comfortable and in control if I am giving the first line.

“Well hello, Martha! You know what the best thing about giving back to the homeless is? You get to feel better about yourself!” I could see myself as a society matron, full of misdirected love. My object work rocked. I spooned out large globs of soup to invisible homeless people going down the cafeteria line. Then, my scene partner stepped out to deliver his support line.

soup“Oh Barbara, I’m so glad you brought me here.” He had a creepy look in his eye. He slithered over and wrapped his arms around my body and hugged me. He wouldn’t let go. It was a very intense and physical embrace, especially for a stranger who came late and didn’t bother introducing themselves. I slipped into panic mode and I got thrown off in the scene. It became awkwardly fighty. My sincere reaction was for his character to get the fuck off me and stop touching me. I told him to “go fold napkins”. Horrible. Definitely not the textbook improv they were looking for.

We both acted the roles very well and were able to justify any curveballs we threw at each other. After the audition, the guy stalked up to me and asked, “Did you like our scene?”

“Are you still in character?”

“Mayyyyybe.”

“You’re creeping me out!”

“Sorry.” He dropped the act. “Seriously, though. Did you like it?”

Now, I am an honest individual. It is nearly impossible for me to lie or pretend to like something that I don’t. What you see is exactly what you get – for better or worse.

“Well, I didn’t think it was great. I got thrown off because of the physical nature of the scene, but I should’ve accepted that and gotten more physical with you. I am just not comfortable doing that right away with someone who didn’t show up to the warm up to introduce themselves. “

His face fell and, instantly, I felt bad. He nodded and said that was a valid point. He slinked away.

By the time I got downstairs, I had analyzed everything in my life. I was tripped out. Improv acid. Why don’t I let people hug me? Why is the thought of a stranger touching me so repellent? How did I instinctively go against the training that I know and fight against him in the scene? AND, if that was my honest reaction to what was happening in the scene, why do I feel so bad about how I played it? I waited on the street for this guy to come downstairs. I had to talk to him… like a crazyperson.

“Hey! Wait up!”

He turned around and his eyes brightened, “I was just thinking about you!”

We talked for about fifteen minutes. He told me how he felt bad that he wasn’t more of a team player by showing up on time. I admitted I should have dropped what was in my head and heightened his physicality. We agreed that we did the best we could and talked about our personal beliefs about the art of improv. We shook hands and went our separate ways. Strangers touched by each other. He was a very cool guy. Also, he was very cute.

Neither one of us got a callback from the audition.

What I learned from the audition is this: I must be willing to go with the flow. In everything. A hug can feel good. An unexpected hug should feel better. If someone is wrong, I have to let it go. It takes too much energy to fight, even if the fight is natural. I didn’t need the validation of getting a callback to feel good about my talent. I was myself. What’s funny about me is me, not what people may expect of me. I need to graduate myself to the next level of entertainment – write, direct, be, here, NOW. You must have the bad things in life to be able to appreciate the good things. Balance. Believe in myself. Believe in others. Most of all, love everything.

I can’t believe I just blogged about improv. NERD!

…and I can’t believe you just read it. 

masks

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Chicken Nugget Emergency

March 5, 2009

“Latreasa Davis, of Fort Pierce, Florida, ordered a 10-piece Chicken McNuggets from McDonald’s, and after she paid for her order, she was informed they were out of Chicken McNuggets. Latreasa Davis only wanted her 10-piece Chicken McNuggets and not anything else off the menu – as she was offered. She called 911 from McDonald’s 3 times to report the incident. Each time she called 911, she explained to the 911 dispatcher what had happened. Latreasa Davis was told the first time she called 911 that an officer was coming out to speak to her. Police did arrive, but instead of helping her get her McNuggets, they arrested her for misusing 911.” – Associated Press

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Angela Lansbury’s Really Soft Porn

February 4, 2009

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“25 Things That Make Me Barf”

February 3, 2009

In order to fight the Facebook virus, I made this in hopes of spreading mockery.

The rules are simple. Once you’ve been tagged (or whatever), you have to make a list of “25 Things That Make Me Barf”. If you don’t, Facebook will kill you.

1. Barf

2. Tequila

3. Vaginas

4. Cat shit

5. Granny panties

6. That summertime, homeless, black person smell in the subway

7.Girls named Andrea correcting you and saying, “It’s pronounced Ahhhndrayuhhh”

8. Proposition 8

9. Phlegm tacos

10. Booger burgers

11. When a therapist says, “So what I hear you saying is…”

12. Sitting in middle seats on an airplane.

13. Gin

14. Gin tacos

15. Barf tacos

16. That “Oops I Fell In Love With My Best Friend” feeling

17. My finger

18. A cheerleader’s toothbrush

19. Getting 5 shots of novacaine shot directly into the base of my dick shaft

20. Sports talk

21. “Are you still trying that acting thing?”

22. George W. Bush

23. Mormons

24. Mormon tacos

25. OCD-inducing lists on Facebook

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Facebook’s “25 Things About Me”

February 2, 2009

Overnight, everyone in the universe posted “25 Things About Me” on their Facebook pages. It’s out of control. I tried to resist the OCD-like temptation of doing the list, but with several hours at a desk at work, I caved in. I wanted to post them here too.

25 THINGS ABOUT ME

1. There are 14 puppets looking at me right now.

2. I named one of the puppets Phyllis.

3. My boss is talking about yoga from behind a cubicle. I keep saying “oh yeah”, “really”, “thats cool”…

4. I am joining the Greenpoint YMCA this Sunday in effort to start one of my New Year’s Resolutions… on February 1st. January is so cliche. I want to look like Brad Pitt in ‘Fight Club’.

5. My neck hurts.

6. I have to poop, but I’m afraid the Afternoon Pee Bandit may have already been in there and I don’t want to wipe up the pee on the toilet seat.

7. I firmly believe that ‘Yo Gabba Gabba’ is the best show on television.

8. I wonder how this exercise is different than just doing status message updates.

9. When my baby brother was brought home from the hospital, I bit him on the arm. My mom asked me, “Why did you do that?” I answered, “Because I wanted to see if he was real”.

10. I’m dying to go to Coachella this year, but I live far away. The Killers AND Amy Winehouse at the same show? I would die.

11. About five years ago, I made a hand written will in one of my journals. I wanted to make sure my Patsy Cline CD and Jake Gyllenhaal magnet collection fell into the right hands.

12. Most of my job experience is in special education, but I sit at a computer all day and answer phones and stare out the window and wish there was something else somewhere else.

13. Twizzlers make me fart.

14. I pooped my pants on the soccer field when I was 10. Even though my dad kept yelling, “GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, MARX” from the sidelines, I couldn’t help but constantly think of the turd in my shorts. At halftime, I tried to go to the restroom to clean up, but they were locked. Instead, I found a nice, pink house in the nearby cul-de-sac and asked the old lady if I could use her facilities. I left my poopy underwear in her wicker trash can.

15. I was a phone sex operator for three days. It was insane.

16. I’m planning a surprise party for my birthday.

17. I cannot live without Tabasco sauce.

18. The most rewarding experience I’ve ever had was volunteering at Re-Creation Summer Camp for 15 years. It’s a camp for adults with developmental disabilities. The unconditional love from the friends I’ve made there have made me so happy and I hope I have done the same in return.

19. The second most painful experience in my life was when the director of the summer camp tried to fire me for, literally, no reason. If there was a reason, it was mean-spirited and ill-communicated. I’m still trying to figure out the art of forgiveness on that one.

20. I think 25 things is a lot of things. I hate myself for caving in and making this list.

21. I was a candy raver in the deserts of California.

22. I am in love with my beard.

23. I believe in things like “there is good in everyone”, “love at first sight”, and “everything happens for a reason”.

24. Crazy people make me crazy.

25. My blog can always be found at www.marxthespot.wordpress.com

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America Is Totally Insane

October 10, 2008

My favorite part is when Lot offers his virgin daughters to be raped instead of the attractive angels. What’s you’re favorite part?

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1-2-3 Is Sweeping the Nation

June 9, 2008

Remember that game I made up a few weeks ago? It’s called 1-2-3. Two players put their heads down and when the photographer says “1-2-3″, they make whatever whacky faces they can. It’s just general good fun, but when you accidentally make the same face together, you get to say you win! Well, 1-2-3 has officially spread to lots of my friends. We played recently and here are the results…

I predict that this will become the next huge fad. I want to see Obama and McCain play.

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I Miss Jason Castro

May 29, 2008

funny pictures

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April Fool’s Blog

April 1, 2008

First of all, I want to say that I have 7 April Fools that I did so far today and it’s only noon. I am going to set a new record for all my hilarious and mean jokes I am playing on people. The key is to know they’re desires or fears and play the joke small and subtle, letting their reaction boil up. I let everyone off the hook pretty quickly, so I am not “pure evil” like someone indicated after they thought I was taking them to a live taping of Saturday Night Live.

I would like to showcase three blogs that I have some sort of hand in… by ‘hand’, I mean that I am writing them. Ghost writing. Recently, my job has been paying me to write in the voice of different characters in different blogs. By “paying me”, I mean that I have so much down time at work, this is what I have resorted to fill my time.

Slam Book – She is a bratty 16 year-old high school sophmore.

M’Agenta Brown – Street poet of filth, raw sexuality, and urban erotica.

Cody Melton – NYC comedian who is documenting his weight loss journey.

Please click the links and enjoy reading my new blogs that I am writing! Feel free to tell me which one is your favorite character – Bratty Girl, Urban Erotica Girl, or Cody Melton.

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Saturday Night Live – LIVE!

November 19, 2007


OMG. OMG. OMG.

This past Saturday night, the cast of Saturday Night Live performed at Upright Citizen’s Brigade. It was a benefit for the Writer’s Strike and I was lucky enough to contribute my 20 bucks for a ticket. I had to stand outside for an hour and a half, but it was worth freezing balls because I actually got a seat! Usually, I have to stand to watch shows at the theatre, but I was a real, live, paying audience member this time! Let’s just say, AWESOMETOWN!

I forget how theatre doesn’t fully translate to screen. I remember seeing a production of ‘The Imaginary Invalid‘ by Moliere in college on a VHS cassette – turned me off to French farce forever. Maybe that’s why I have never been totally head over heels in love with SNL. I LOVE theatre (you can tell because I spell it with an “tre” instead of a “ter”), but I don’t love theatre on screen. SNL is a staged medium on TV. Sure, I respect their gig, I adore certain performers, but something about it never totally kicks my “love button”. My opinion has officially changed.

I LOVE SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, especially when it is ACTUALLY live!

Michael Cera’s entrance as host for the evening won some of the biggest applause I have ever heard… anywhere. His excitement and playful energy infused the entire night. Amy Poehler was intoxicatingly adorable, as yooz. A super-naughty Weekend Update, which used previously written material deemed ‘too offensive’, was a personal highlight. Two more bests for me were a solid character sketch with Kristen Wiig as a cat lady who dictated the family Holiday Card to her husband in a creepy kitty voice and a brilliantly heightened sketch about a neighborhood sex offender going trick-or-treating in his costume… as a sex offender. I also loved that the writer’s were the one’s holding the cue cards during the show. Great idea and kept me constantly aware of why the fantastic opportunity to see this live show had happened – some corporate D-bags trying to screw the creative community.

Stand strong, writers! Norma Rae this shit!

PS… I have never actually heard Yo La Tengo, the live musical guest, until Saturday, but their rendition of “Mr. Tough” blew my jizz all over the place. I iTuned the fuck out of them yesterday.

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Madder Skillz

May 30, 2007

A brilliant response to the video I previously posted. This is from my friends on the sweetass improv team, Rogue Elephant. I choked on my own spit at my desk at work watching this.

Touche, Rogue Elephant. Touche.