Archive for the ‘Gay Stuff’ Category

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Bruno Schmuno

July 14, 2009

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Comedy is never black and white. It’s the gray area that generates laughter. Different people laugh at different things. That’s the magic of the art of comedy. Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Bruno” was neither magic, art, or comedy. It was a tragic, fart comedy. Before scribbling out my reasons why I disliked “Bruno”, let me devote a small paragraph to the elements I thought were good about the movie.

Cohen is a really good, committed actor.

“Bruno” is a contemporary minstrel show. Silly, stereotypically gay vingnettes are strung together like a kindergartener’s macaroni project – minus the thought or care for it’s audience. The concept is to interact with unsuspecting interviewees who are under the assumption that Bruno is a real person. The joke of the scenes are in the reaction. The character of Bruno overshadows any possible irony. When the joke of the scene easily becomes “hey, look at this stupid gay guy”, then Cohen’s true intentions for his comedy become unclear and irresponsible in this political climate.

A good example of how this concept works is in a scene with Congressman Ron Paul. Armed with hidden cameras, scented candles, and purple bikini briefs, Bruno tries to seduce him in a hotel room while they are waiting for the crew to set up the actual interview. Ron Paul’s silent reaction and eventual blow up is quite amazing. Many other bits are just that – bits. Bits of fractured reality caving in to a pit of cringeworthy fabrication. At one point, Bruno hires Mexican workers to be furniture for his victims. Paula Abdul accepts the invitation and sits on a wincing old man, but then quits the interview when a nude gentleman displaying cuts of sushi is wheeled out on a table for Paula’s catering needs. Paula is not on THAT many drugs to have thought this was real.

Whether it’s a busty dominatrix crudely edited into a scene or a horrible sidekick subplot, mixing the artificial elements with the real (and sadly, fewer) only works against the claim of social satire by further blurring the line of what we’re supposed to be laughing at. “Cohen’s well-meaning attempt at satire is problematic in many places and outright offensive in others,” Rashad Robinson, senior director of media programs for GLAAD told the New York Times. “Some gay advocates are worried that Cohen could reinforce negative stereotypes about homosexuals”.

If the height of summer comedy involves talking dicks and bratwurst jokes, then Bruno will thrill you. You might even think it’s “brilliant” as a few of my friends have described it. But, when a straight comedian puts on gayface in the name of social satire, I desire more than pratfalls and umlauts. That is not to say a gay comedian would get away with it, but they would have trouble getting their picture greenlit. It’s much more acceptable to watch straight guys act like gay guys rather than gay guys act like gay guys.

Go see ‘Up’ again. It’s beautiful and actually brilliant.

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Why I’m Glad Kris Allen Won ‘American Idol’

May 21, 2009

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Think of all the momentum that Adam Lambert had built during the ‘American Idol’ competition. Think of the millions of fans that were befuddled when they announced Kris Allen the winner. Now, think of this reality TV show as a political metaphor for gay rights.

Adam Lambert is a no-brainer if you are judging solely upon vocal prowess, but this show isn’t just about who sings the best. The show is about who is most popular, and most importantly, how do you manipulate the wholesome viewers to like you best? We heard all about Danny Gokey’s dead wife until she was beat into the ground like a dead horse. The producers paraded Scott Whatshisname, better known as The Blind Guy, for all to see. Single motherhood was the theme for that one chick who’s name fails me, but I’m too uninterested to google her name. Kris Allen was seen at his family’s house in Arkansas, just having a good, old family time. But what was Adam’s backstory? Can you remember? Nothing.

The best way to deal with an unofficially-out gay artist is by not dealing with it. No mention of your family life. No mention of a boyfriend. No mention of his flamboyant style. Adam’s talent spoke for itself. I don’t blame Adam for not officially coming out. You have to play the system to beat the system.

So, what happened? The bottom line is that Danny Gokey votes flocked to Kris Allen after Danny was eliminated, coming in third. But, if you take a moment and realize that ‘American Idol’ is the number one family show, then it doesn’t take a genius to realize that they are rooting for their squeaky clean Kris Allen. They have the numbers to vote in Kris, but it doesn’t mean he is the best singer. The American Majority isn’t always right, just like the debate on gay marriage.

I am glad Kris Allen won because it will keep the conversation rolling on what is right and what is wrong in regards to gay politics. Adam Lambert will continue to fight for his sure-to-be amazing career, just as gays everywhere will continue to fight for our soon-to-be accepted marriage equality.

In the shocked words of Kris Allen himself, after being announced the winner, “Adam deserves this.” And so does every gay American.

The tides continues to turn…

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Protesting Protests

May 18, 2009

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I stood behind the police barrier as the people walked past me. Hundreds became thousands. There was about 50 of us penned in the fences, but there was a countless mob of ethnic Christians all around. Their brown faces twisted with hate and disgust. They were armed with megaphones and Biblias. Most of their ramblings were in a foreign language, but it was clearly translated into one word – “homophobia”.

Why was I inspired to go to this anti-gay marriage protest that was sponsored by Radio Vision Cristiana International and the Hispanic Clergy Organization? Because I wanted the haters to put faces to the people they are discriminating against. You can’t bring bus-loads full of people, who speak English as a second language, into the gay island of Manhattan to protest without hearing from us. I wanted to represent.

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Since we were dealing with very religious activists, I wanted to bring a symbol with me that they would recognize. I brought a bright, yellow crucifix with a wooden heart attached to the middle, where Jesus usually hangs. It was given to me by a developmentally disabled student of mine years ago. To me, it means unconditional love. It means that everyone is equal in the eyes of love, no matter your religious beliefs. I stood silently, with my cross at my chest, and made sure to look everyone in the eye as they went past. The site of a faggot holding a cross drove them insane.

“God bless you”, said one lady without looking me in the eye.

“God bless you”, said an old man as he walked by with his eyes closed.

“It’s not about hate, it’s about love. Jesus LOVES you.” An angry teenager told us this, but her tone was full of anger. I thought perhaps it was due to her age, then a lady in her 40’s walked past and sneered, “God bless you”.  This happened too many times to count. The looks of confusion on the children’s faces was heartbreaking.

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As the parade of hostile churchgoers continued, I noticed that the script they were saying said, “Jesus loves you” or “God bless you”, but the subtext in their hearts was “Fuck you fag” or “You’re sick, jerk”. What they were saying clearly did not match what they were feeling. Every time a Bible was shoved in my face, I couldn’t help but hear the real Jesus say, “Please don’t do that. Please don’t use my name in hate.” I can’t think of anything more sick than the sanctimonious actions of every mother who walked by carrying their daughter in their arms or pushing their son in a stroller while using Jesus as a tool of hate. Completely disgusting people.

Whenever minorities speak out against gay marriage, it really pushes my “fuck off” button. They know similar struggles, they are supposed to “get it”. Homophobia runs deep in religion and misunderstanding. It’s clear that blacks, or latinos in this case, are born “that way”, but gay people have to prove over and over again, that we are based in genetics too. Until everyone understands that, nothing will truly change.

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On the upside, I got to meet Lt. Dan Choi (click his name to see his video on The Rachel Maddow Show), who was part of the under-attended counterprotest. He has become the current face of the ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy. He is also originally from Orange County, Ca. and he told me about how his dad refuses to talk to him since he came out of the closet. We chatted for about 5 minutes. He is such a great guy.

After an hour of barfable latinos yelling at me, I went to get drunk on sangria at brunch with a bunch of gays. I have made a slide show full of the gross people I encountered while at the protest. Enjoy!

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Two States Get Gay Marriage In One Week!

April 7, 2009

Iowa and Vermont just took California out back behind the schoolyard and pushed him in the mud. California has until June 3rd to deliver it’s ruling on Prop 8. In the meantime, two states have ruled that gay marriage is legal. Hey California! Don’t look like a douchebag! 

Even Washington DC is getting in on the action by recognizing same sex marriage. So, if you get married in another state, then you have all the rights in Washington DC. Hollerrrrr.

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Fuck Coldplay

February 16, 2009

First of all, I have no business even having Coldplay on my ipod. I was feeling glum on the E train and thought I would listen to some marketable sadness. I made sure to skip that fucking ‘Fix You’ song because I know that is my kryptonite. Instead, I listened to some newer bullshit. I cried anyway.

Lametown.

I went home and downloaded Flo Rida.

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This is what happens when you invite a seemingly nice stranger into your Gchat…

February 13, 2009
2:21 PM biggermoosebear: hey stud
me: holler
hows it going?
biggermoosebear: hey man
me: hey!
2:23 PM that’s cool you’re an actor
i am too

5 minutes
2:28 PM biggermoosebear: hey sexy
me: howdy
is this working?
2:31 PM gmail has been sucking lately
2:32 PM biggermoosebear: i wanna suck you
me: oh ok
cool
2:35 PM
biggermoosebear: you’re cute
you should be on TV
me: thanks, i’m trying
2:36 PM biggermoosebear: try to what
me: be on TV
biggermoosebear: how
me: idk, with talent i guess? haha
2:37 PM biggermoosebear: oh, so you’re an actor?


6 minutes
2:43 PM me: yeah
biggermoosebear: :)
me: hahah
biggermoosebear: one sec
me: ok
biggermoosebear: ok im back
me: ok
2:44
PMbiggermoosebear: just so you know
one of my ex’s had a 14/15 shoe and loved making me take all of his toes in my mouth at once and watch it stretch around it
2:45 PM me: oh really?
biggermoosebear: yeah, he used to smash my head in the floor
with his big boots and make me scream
you play football?
me: nope
biggermoosebear: you should
you would look good in a uniform
what size are your feet?
me: 13
2:46 PM
biggermoosebear: you want to step on my face?
2:47 PM
me: um, i’ve never stepped on a face before
biggermoosebear: i want you to step on my face
squash me like a bug
2:50 PM me: yeah? you like to get stepped on
2:51 PM
biggermoosebear: fuck ya step on my face full weight
me: you like to get rough i take it?
biggermoosebear: yeah, let’s wrestle
me: that sounds hot
2:52 PM biggermoosebear: what does
2:53 PM me: wrestling
2:54 PM
biggermoosebear: i played football
had my head stoped a few times
stomped
2:55 PM me: and you liked that? whats it do for you? im very curious about this idea
biggermoosebear: its cool
im pretty tough
i like to see how much i can take
me: pushing things to the limit?
biggermoosebear: whats yer beggiest and heviest footwear
me: my timberland boots
2:56 PM they have great traction
biggermoosebear: how heavy
how big
me: their about 3 pounds and size 13
i have them on now actually
2:59 PM biggermoosebear: want them on my face?
me: yeah i wanna make prints on your face
3:01 PM biggermoosebear: think ya can?
me: i know i can
biggermoosebear: why is that
me: cuz i can be mean
3:02 PM and heavy
heavy and mean
3:03 PM biggermoosebear: stand both feet on my skull?
3:04 PM me: ooh man
sure if you want it
haha
lets do it
biggermoosebear: why ooh man?
me: just cuz it sounds scary
biggermoosebear: why scary?

me: just cuz i would be afraid of hurting you

3:08 PM
biggermoosebear: i ain’t no pussy
me: you better not be no pussy
biggermoosebear: ive been slammed and stoped on a felid
me: yeah, you got messed up?
3:10 PM biggermoosebear: yeah you into it
3:11 PM me: yeah, lets fcuk and slam each oterh around
biggermoosebear: slam each other around?
3:13 PM me: you know, get rough and wrestle and crap
3:15 PM biggermoosebear: do you know anyone for a threeway?
maybe we can start a team
3:16 PM me: yeah i got a friend who might be into it
biggermoosebear: where he live
me: williamsburg
3:18 PM biggermoosebear: Pennsylvania?
me: brooklyn

13 minutes
3:31 PM biggermoosebear: so you guys want to stomp on me
and stand on my skull?
3:32 PM me: yeah man
lets do it
lets do it right now
3:34 PM biggermoosebear: skull goin POP like a melon
LOLO
me: yeah man
i wanna crush you
make you scream
make your face turn red
hear your bones snap

6 minutes
3:41 PM biggermoosebear: you sound mean
i dont like mean

5 minutes
3:46 PM biggermoosebear: so what ya liek about crushin a dudes head udner yer foot
me: i don’t know
i’ve never done it
what do you like when a guy crushes your head
3:47 PM biggermoosebear: um its more how you like it
me: oh
3:51 PM biggermoosebear: can i call you
me: right now?
biggermoosebear: yeah i need to get in a car
me: not really
biggermoosebear: ok, watch this video
bye!

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Angela Lansbury’s Really Soft Porn

February 4, 2009

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Hugs

January 20, 2009

hugs1Billions of people are gathered in Washington D.C. today to witness the inauguration of our new President, Mr. Barack Obama. Everyone in my office is next door watching it in a huge auditorium. Youtube will be my source at my leisure. I am stealing these moments of solitude to reflect on myself.

I am completely aware that statement makes me sound like a homosexual.

I’m am not a huggy person. Touchy-feelyness makes me squirm. Last Thursday, my friend Sandra was at the bus stop. It was the last day I would be riding that bus at that time, so I thought I would say my goodbyes. At the end of our conversation, I said, “Well it was nice riding the bus with you. I might not see you again.”

“Oh, we’ll see each other someday”, she pointed up to the sky, wiped her runny nose, and gave me a big hug.

She released her loving grip and dashed to the front of the bus line, cutting in front of a few people. I put my headphones back in my ears and turned on whatever. My intention was to try to think of something that wasn’t going to make me cry. The beautiful moment Sandra had given me was overwhelming. I didn’t cry, but my eyes were wet during the rest of my commute.

So, I’ve been thinking. I’m going to start hugging. I’m going to let people hug me and I am going to go out on a limb and actually hug other people – not everyone everyone. I mean, I’m not going to hug strangers or people I don’t like or that kid in the subway who tried to spit on my leg.

Along with Obama’s Presidential Inauguration, I hereby declare my own Huggidential Inauguration.

I, Jeffrey Roma Marx, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute hugs…

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If you stare at these hugging bears for awhile, it gets pretty creepy.

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The Prop 8 protest in NYC was super cruisey

November 13, 2008

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Protesting Prop 8 is the new way to pick up guys. That’s what last night’s Prop 8 protest at the Mormon temple told me. Everyone made colorful signs and dressed in winter scarves with matching caps to meet outside in the cold air. As the group of an estimated 10,000 supporters of gay marriage marched down Broadway, passed Lincoln Center, and ended up in Columbus Circle we all huddled together tightly for warmth… and to touch butts on “accident”. We all chanted silly things that rhymed while everyone checked each other out. If you can’t flirt AND stand up for equal rights at the same time, then what kind of gay are you?

The organizers of the event told everyone online what type of signs to make. They warned to stay away from the polygamy argument, the warned to stay away from attacking religion, they warned to keep the message positive in order to unite and “take the higher road”. Originally, I was gonna make a sign that was very Latter Day Saints specific – “L.ITTLE D.UMB S.HITS” So, in an ironic twist on words in the Bible and the Book of Mormon, I made a double sided sign quietly mocking religious opponents of gay marriage.

jesusweptwcrowd

jeffmarriagesign

For those religiously unaware, “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in The Bible. I think Jesus would weep about the current state that this civil rights cause has reached. Plus, I always like using The Bible against Biblebeaters. Lord knows, I have a ton of knowledge on the subject since I went to Christian and Catholic Schools for most of my life. Clinging to stories from the past and not bothering to think for yourself certainly seems strange to me. Not nearly as strange as The Book of Mormon who was written by the “prophet” Joseph Smith. This guy took some shrooms and tripped out in a forest and wrote down everything that Jesus “told him”. The phrase “And it came to pass…” starts thousands of “verses” from the Book of Mormon (“And it came to pass this “And it came to pass that”), so naturally, I wanted to take a jab at them while trumpeting the message of gay marriage.

parkgathered

After we gathered at the entrance to Central Park, everyone sort of stood around and check out each other’s signs. I wish someone was there to give out prizes for best signs. I think I could have been a serious contender. My favorite was either the black lesbian that said “Should we sit on the back of the bus too?” or one young, hot gay that said “I didn’t ask him to “civil union” me!” We had brought noise makers to shake while we marched in the streets so we stood around and shook them.

My gaggle of gays and I got hungry, so we walked down 9th Avenue, the gayest street in Gayville, and ate at Vinyl, the gayest restaurant in Gayville. I didn’t want my sign anymore, so I discarded it on a pile of cardboard underneath an Ipod Nano ad. GAY! I would’ve felt bad for leaving it there, but the protest was a little underwhelming in energy. It’s great that there were 10,000 people there, and I LOVE IT, but I couldn’t help but think that there is much more passion in California over this right now.

On the way to the train, we stumbled on a liquor store that still had a Hillary for President sign in the window. Wow. How steadfast.

I’m going to go look at the Missed Connections on Craigslist now to see if anyone from the protest wants to hook up with me.

gaytrash

Oh and here’s one last shot that I love from the protest. It’s a keeper!

jesuswept

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My Beard: A Photographic Essay

November 11, 2008

I grew my beard out for my pirate costume on Halloween. It’s gotten so much attention, particularly from gentlemen callers, that I am going to keep it for awhile. It’s scratchy and it feels weird when it’s soaking wet, but I’m going to play it out. Consider this The Great Beard Experiment of 2008.

Oh my god, a girl I work with just walked by and complimented my beard! Seriously. She wants my sack. I totally could’ve got her digits.

Here is my new Fall Face -

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beard2

beard3

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beard6

beard7

OH MY GOD! MY BEARD GREW INTO ANOTHER HEAD AND ATTACHED ITSELF ON MY SHOULDER!

Actually, that’s my friend Jonathan, who also has a beard, but my beard is bigger than his beard. He might have beard envy. I’m not sure. This beard business is a whole new thing for me. Viva la beard!

(You may have noticed that I was wearing a sticker that says “PREGNANT” in these photos. I found it on the street and wore it. I am in fact, NOT pregnant. Just in case you were concerned.)

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President Obama!!!

November 5, 2008

The good guys won! Finally, a happy example of how sometimes, if you wish hard enough, great things can happen. We started off with martinis and mozzerella sticks at Faces & Names in midtown. Once Ohio was declared for Obama, the bar went nuts. We took a walk over to Election Plaza at 30 Rock. It looked pretty boring. Everyone just stood around. We thought perhaps it was just a bunch of visiting foreigners feigning interest, so we marched over to Times Square. It was crowded and the energy had flatlined. Obama hadn’t been announced as the official victor yet and I wanted something crazy to happen.

We went back to my friend’s hotel room to watch the results come in. When we entered the lobby, the news was announced that Obama had won. Instantly, the lobby of the hotel was flooded with happy black people. They all had matching Obama stickers and were coming from the bar where they were hosting a private event. It was amazing to be one of seven white, gay boys in a sea of blackness. The security guard was high-fiving everyone in sight. My group of homos promptly went upstairs and continued the celebratory drinkfest…. until we heard about Prop 8 passing in California. You can’t win them all!

I love that America can elect a black President, but still won’t let gays get married. I’m gonna consider this a win for the night because otherwise I will go insane. Time to let politics rest for a little while…

GObama!!

obamame1

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Sex Pigs & Pirates

November 2, 2008

My gang and I went to my friend Jonathan’s roof party in Williamsburg for Halloween. I dressed up as a sexy pirate. Jeff was a sexy baseball player. Craig was a sex pig. He walked into the party wearing an overcoat and, like a flash of gay lightning, stripped down to his costume. He proceeded to run around the party full of mostly strangers and, in a creepy character voice, declared “I’m a sex pig! I’m a sex pig!” He snortled and snarled and dry humped the sofa. It was straight out of a David Lynch movie.

sexpiggy

The Straights were in a little party funk. They were dressed up as people who hate Halloween. I enjoyed talking with Sophia about ‘The Hills’ and ‘Laguna Beach’. After five minutes of discussing the pros and cons of all of Lauren Conrad’s past boyfriends, Jon had a realization – “You mean, The Hills and Laguna Beach are two different shows?!?!?!” His straight, confused face was priceless.

triohallo

The rest of the evening was full of too many Sarah Palins and “butt pirate” jokes. I talked to a coked up Frida Kahlo who wanted me to take a million pictures of her on my camera. Or rather, Frida talked to me. A lot. Mostly about puppets. Jonathan, who had dressed as a priest, made a videotaped confessional in a closet. Everyone took turns throughout the night confessing their sins, fears, and scandalous escapades. For NYC, this was a pretty terrific Halloween – even if it meant being followed around by a sex pig.

piggy

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My Halloween Costume

October 24, 2008

Or maybe I’ll be a pirate.

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Cleaning Women

October 22, 2008

Exactly eleven years ago, I was in a junior college student repertory production of Studs Terkel’s “Working”. It’s a very cheesy musical about the every day working class (Joe the Plumber, so to speak). It’s got a very big 70’s vibe. The best number in the show was “Cleaning Women”. It was a show stopper. I wasn’t in that number, but I memorized the choreography so that I could do it backstage with my friends who actually got to perform. My role was a monologue about being an electrician. It was short and sweet and didn’t require dancing or singing.

One of the girls in the “Cleaning Women” song was Genevieve. She was a short, fat, black lesbian. Halfway through the run of the show, she quit. I forget why. I only remember her crying and leaving. We never saw her again. This left a hole in the dance number. Since I knew the choreography, the director let me fill Genevieve’s shoes… and sweatpants. It was a real ‘Showgirls’ moment and I was able to shine. We were all so excited that I got to be in the routine that we took a group photo.

This morning, I found this photo tagged on my Facebook. I immediately UNtagged it because Facebook is too public. Then, I immediately wrote this blog entry and posted the photo.

In case you can’t tell, the large Samoan lady next to me is a dude. He is the faggiest fag I ever met and was a good, good friend of mine at the time. We used to paint our fingernails with polish he kept in a lavender caboodle. The guy had sooo much nail polish!!!

If you’re curious as to what the song sounds like, you can see Patti LaBelle sing it HERE.

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Sorry. Wrong Tree.

October 1, 2008

Last night, a young and hip black couple started chatting my girl-thats-a-friend and me up about good clubs in NYC. Monique had driven down from Buffalo to meet up with Monte, who said he “plays keys for Mary J” – as in Blige. They were both very attractive and dressed for a night out on the town.

After giving them some ideas of where to go, Monique kept telling me, “I’m up for whatever! I just wanna party!” She seriously said it like 4 times over the span of 5 minutes. My chick friend was drunk and didn’t realize that Monique was being quite flirtatious. Monique confirmed my thoughts when she leaned over to me and told me she was bi and that she and Monte were looking for a third.

“Is you’re friend straight?”

“Yes.”

“That’s too bad. She’s a fine piece of white chocolate.”

“Haha. Yup!”

“Do you think she’d be straight if we got her drunk?”

Monique and I had separated into conversation on one side of the table while Ms. White Chocolate was unknowingly being verbally undressed by Monte on the other side. I was trying to think of a way out of this situation when the waitress came over to ask if we needed anything else. Before I could say “Check please”, Ms. White Chocolate was buying a round of shots for our new friends. I noticed Monte crack his knuckles.

Twenty minutes later, I was able to find our out. Monte went to the restroom and Monique went to the bar to order another drink. We had paid our tab, so I told my friend to go outside and wait. She left unseen. Monique came back to find me at the table by myself. I told her that her crush went to the restroom. Monte returned and I excused myself for a bathroom break too.

I skipped the bathroom and met my friend outside. Then, we ran like hell.