Archive for the ‘Zen’ Category

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My Best Worst Audition Ever

April 5, 2009

stage

Improv is an art form. It relies on the world view of the performer. It is said many times that you must react honestly and respond in the moment to what is happening in your scene. This is why “good improv” is subject to the viewer’s opinion. People sometimes joke that improv is a form of therapy. I always think improvisers need therapy (including myself). I recently had an improv audition that was a true life lesson.

I arrived 30 minutes before my audition, as directed, so that I could meet and warm up with the other actors in my group. Since improv can be (and should, in my opinion) a personal stage experience between two actors, I like to have some degree of familiarity with someone before I perform. There were only 4 of us out of the expected 8 that were on time. The other actors showed up right at the time of the audition and we all filed into the room without even having introduced ourselves. Oh well, let’s roll with it and improvise!

My first scene was goodish. The actress initiated, I supported it, we found a decent game to play and we had fun and vivid characters. Score! The next scene I did was going to be amazing, since I was instructed to initiate the first line of the scene. I always feel a little more comfortable and in control if I am giving the first line.

“Well hello, Martha! You know what the best thing about giving back to the homeless is? You get to feel better about yourself!” I could see myself as a society matron, full of misdirected love. My object work rocked. I spooned out large globs of soup to invisible homeless people going down the cafeteria line. Then, my scene partner stepped out to deliver his support line.

soup“Oh Barbara, I’m so glad you brought me here.” He had a creepy look in his eye. He slithered over and wrapped his arms around my body and hugged me. He wouldn’t let go. It was a very intense and physical embrace, especially for a stranger who came late and didn’t bother introducing themselves. I slipped into panic mode and I got thrown off in the scene. It became awkwardly fighty. My sincere reaction was for his character to get the fuck off me and stop touching me. I told him to “go fold napkins”. Horrible. Definitely not the textbook improv they were looking for.

We both acted the roles very well and were able to justify any curveballs we threw at each other. After the audition, the guy stalked up to me and asked, “Did you like our scene?”

“Are you still in character?”

“Mayyyyybe.”

“You’re creeping me out!”

“Sorry.” He dropped the act. “Seriously, though. Did you like it?”

Now, I am an honest individual. It is nearly impossible for me to lie or pretend to like something that I don’t. What you see is exactly what you get – for better or worse.

“Well, I didn’t think it was great. I got thrown off because of the physical nature of the scene, but I should’ve accepted that and gotten more physical with you. I am just not comfortable doing that right away with someone who didn’t show up to the warm up to introduce themselves. “

His face fell and, instantly, I felt bad. He nodded and said that was a valid point. He slinked away.

By the time I got downstairs, I had analyzed everything in my life. I was tripped out. Improv acid. Why don’t I let people hug me? Why is the thought of a stranger touching me so repellent? How did I instinctively go against the training that I know and fight against him in the scene? AND, if that was my honest reaction to what was happening in the scene, why do I feel so bad about how I played it? I waited on the street for this guy to come downstairs. I had to talk to him… like a crazyperson.

“Hey! Wait up!”

He turned around and his eyes brightened, “I was just thinking about you!”

We talked for about fifteen minutes. He told me how he felt bad that he wasn’t more of a team player by showing up on time. I admitted I should have dropped what was in my head and heightened his physicality. We agreed that we did the best we could and talked about our personal beliefs about the art of improv. We shook hands and went our separate ways. Strangers touched by each other. He was a very cool guy. Also, he was very cute.

Neither one of us got a callback from the audition.

What I learned from the audition is this: I must be willing to go with the flow. In everything. A hug can feel good. An unexpected hug should feel better. If someone is wrong, I have to let it go. It takes too much energy to fight, even if the fight is natural. I didn’t need the validation of getting a callback to feel good about my talent. I was myself. What’s funny about me is me, not what people may expect of me. I need to graduate myself to the next level of entertainment – write, direct, be, here, NOW. You must have the bad things in life to be able to appreciate the good things. Balance. Believe in myself. Believe in others. Most of all, love everything.

I can’t believe I just blogged about improv. NERD!

…and I can’t believe you just read it. 

masks

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Hugs

January 20, 2009

hugs1Billions of people are gathered in Washington D.C. today to witness the inauguration of our new President, Mr. Barack Obama. Everyone in my office is next door watching it in a huge auditorium. Youtube will be my source at my leisure. I am stealing these moments of solitude to reflect on myself.

I am completely aware that statement makes me sound like a homosexual.

I’m am not a huggy person. Touchy-feelyness makes me squirm. Last Thursday, my friend Sandra was at the bus stop. It was the last day I would be riding that bus at that time, so I thought I would say my goodbyes. At the end of our conversation, I said, “Well it was nice riding the bus with you. I might not see you again.”

“Oh, we’ll see each other someday”, she pointed up to the sky, wiped her runny nose, and gave me a big hug.

She released her loving grip and dashed to the front of the bus line, cutting in front of a few people. I put my headphones back in my ears and turned on whatever. My intention was to try to think of something that wasn’t going to make me cry. The beautiful moment Sandra had given me was overwhelming. I didn’t cry, but my eyes were wet during the rest of my commute.

So, I’ve been thinking. I’m going to start hugging. I’m going to let people hug me and I am going to go out on a limb and actually hug other people – not everyone everyone. I mean, I’m not going to hug strangers or people I don’t like or that kid in the subway who tried to spit on my leg.

Along with Obama’s Presidential Inauguration, I hereby declare my own Huggidential Inauguration.

I, Jeffrey Roma Marx, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute hugs…

bearhug

If you stare at these hugging bears for awhile, it gets pretty creepy.

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April Showers

April 11, 2006


It’s April. Which means that it might as well be May. Which means that it might as well be time for Re-Creation Camp. So then summer is over. And Thansgiving is right around the corner and of course Christmas. Which means I might as well be 30 years old right now.

Panic attack complete. Nevermind. Do over. Do over.

April is always defined by the weather and certain music in New York to me. Last year it was all about getting stoned with the John Legend CD and shrooming to the Beck album. All the meanwhile it rained and rained and rained and drizzled and rained the entire month. This year, April’s weather is super schitzo – rain, perfect picnic weather, rain, snow, windy, clear, gorgeous, warm, rain, overcast. The weather is struggling to find consistancy, happiness and harmony. April is shedding the winter of her past and is making every effort to be the spring of now. Nevermind the future of summer. I feel April is currently performing its own one woman show as a roller coaster mirroring life. How cliche.

This April is all about the new Mates of State CD and those songs from American Idol by Natasha Beddingfield and Daniel Powter that I downloaded from iTunes. You know the song they play whenever someone gets kicked off (’cause you had a bad day’) and the song that tomboy girl sang while crying her eyes out that she was America’s least favorite. And while I am not doing any drugs in the traditional sense, I am fostering a new addiction – Trader Joe’s. Thankfully, a Trader Joe’s has opened in Manhattan and I am fiending for my jalepeno stuffed olives even now as I type this.

Just because there are clouds doesn’t mean the clouds can’t be happy.

I love right now.

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Zenalicious!

April 3, 2006


I am in an exceptionally great mood today. My morning was not ruined by The Ice Lady. There wasn’t any ice and I drank warm Vitamin water, but still I felt glowing happiness. I wanted to zen out and play in a zen garden, but I had work to do. Lots of it. And there wasn’t a zen garden around anywhere.

Even though the dudes in the office were grumbling about the work load, I didn’t feel any negativity at all. I was content in observing their negative energy and knowing that I didn’t have to be affected by it. I have plenty to be mad/sad/upset/angry/confused about, but its not worth my energy to have it consume myself. Its much more exciting and freeing to not get bogged down by silly worries and angers. And inter-office ice problems.

I shaved my head this weekend. Yup. I did one of the things I never thought I would ever do. I was freaking out while I did it, but I shortly decided that I love the new ‘do. Immediately following the buzzing, I looked in the mirror and my only thought was “V for Vendetta = W for What the Fuck Did I Do To My Head”. But while one of my best friends, Craig, was shaving the back of my head he said “Sometimes you just need to start fresh”. I agree.

After I told my mom about my hair, she said “Your tongue ring is gone. You shaved your head. And your happy about it. What is happening to you?” I don’t really have an answer for that yet, but I like whatever is happening. I guess I’ll just sit back and enjoy it.